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I'm having trouble not eating all the things this week, and it's not even shark week. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm at a really weird place where I'm still about 12 lbs from my goal, but am kind of happy with my size, theoretically. I can go to most stores and I'm a pretty solid medium, and I actually purchased a size 8 pair of jeans for the first time in my life. I was hanging out with Caroline, Laura, and Leya recently, and they were joking about the tiny sauna in the basement of their apartment complex that is suited for "one and a half people" or, according to Leya "two tiny people, like... size 8 or under." I was like, wait, I'm totally wearing size 8 pants! But I don't feel any smaller than all of them, who hang in the L/XL range (I'd guess 14s-18s all around). But objectively, I am. I've never had a good gauge for comparing my body size to other people which is probably why I was so fat for so long. I still feel above average, but I'm actually smaller than the average American and 3 inches taller. I know I've reflected on this before, but I really don't get the mental gymnastics--does anybody else have this problem? I'm like, I'm a medium! And then I stand next to people and feel like I'm bigger than they are, especially my hips. I like my figure but am worried I will never feel the size I actually am.
Things are moving forward for Ann Arbor this summer. I have a little bit of inexplicable anxiety about it and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's rolled up in other concerns, like Pasha wanting to spend some weeks away in the fall and finishing school and trying to find a call. I have a little bit of anxiety about some of those things but when I think about the summer I get butterflies. It's a great opportunity and I am excited about it, but I don't know... it's a little scary.
I'm slightly sick of classwork right now. I'm having real trouble mustering up any shits to give, especially about Exercises in Biblical Theology (also known as Exercises in Biblical Futility to the seniors). I ended up taking SEVEN classes this semester because of all the stupid little half credit classes. I'm enjoying them but it's really annoying to just barely scratch the surface. I'm getting pickier about how classes are taught and some of them are frustrating. I feel like I could be out actually practicing ministry skills, but instead I'm stuck in class. It's a nice vacation after all the hard growing I did last year, but it has its own drawbacks. Still, I'm constantly amazed at how happy I am by comparison.
I have some other thoughts to write about in the future but perhaps in a filtered post...
Things are moving forward for Ann Arbor this summer. I have a little bit of inexplicable anxiety about it and I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's rolled up in other concerns, like Pasha wanting to spend some weeks away in the fall and finishing school and trying to find a call. I have a little bit of anxiety about some of those things but when I think about the summer I get butterflies. It's a great opportunity and I am excited about it, but I don't know... it's a little scary.
I'm slightly sick of classwork right now. I'm having real trouble mustering up any shits to give, especially about Exercises in Biblical Theology (also known as Exercises in Biblical Futility to the seniors). I ended up taking SEVEN classes this semester because of all the stupid little half credit classes. I'm enjoying them but it's really annoying to just barely scratch the surface. I'm getting pickier about how classes are taught and some of them are frustrating. I feel like I could be out actually practicing ministry skills, but instead I'm stuck in class. It's a nice vacation after all the hard growing I did last year, but it has its own drawbacks. Still, I'm constantly amazed at how happy I am by comparison.
I have some other thoughts to write about in the future but perhaps in a filtered post...
